“If you do not control your diet and lifestyle, eventually your diet and lifestyle will control you.” Michael Ewald D.C.

I don’t know that I ever truly realize how much control I actually have over my own body. Seriously, the power I have to own and control my personal health and well being. So often I take for granted that my body will always function like it’s supposed to regardless of what I do or what I eat, but that is absolutely not true. The further I go on this weight loss journey, the more I educate myself about health and wellness the more I find that I do in fact have a huge amount of control over my body and my health. Mentally, physically and emotionally – I have control over all these things and I through the grace of God have the power to overcome my own laziness so that I can work out, eat healthy and be the very best I can be so that I can reach my goals and accomplish all I would like to accomplish . Through Christ I have the power to ignore those voices in my head that say, “You’ve earned it...” or “It’s only one bite...one ice cream...one whatever...” There is always a battle in within me (mostly in my head – lol) fighting over old habits and easy choices. However, the choice in the end is mine to make. It is a choice I have to make every single day. Really, every moment, I have to make the choice to be fit and be healthy. I have to make the choice to surround myself with healthy foods and snacks, the choice to make exercise a priority and the choice to put myself and my health first above “my busy schedule.” There is time to exercise if I make it. There is time to prepare proper foods and healthy snacks if I make it happen. There is a very clear and obtainable way to reach my weight loss and fitness goals. I just have to choose it every day. Like Nike, I have to “just do it!” I am the only one who stands in the way and determines if I will reach my fitness goals or if I’ll reach for the bag of Cheetos!

Sigh...
I’m getting nervous. The Biggest Loser has sent me a diary camera to film some footage of me for an up coming “Where Are They Now?” episode that will air the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Among the requirements and requested footage is me on camera saying, “Before the Biggest Loser I weighed XXX and now I weigh XXX!” XXX = three horrifying numbers that I have never uttered aloud. Not even my life long BFF Christy knows that number. She knows where I am today and she knows closer to where that actual XXX lies, but to say that ugly number out loud? To America??? On TV and the Internet???? Oh my goodness...can I do it? Am I willing to be that venerable? I am accomplished so much in the past 7 months and I’m very proud of it, but I know I could have done more. I guess a part of me doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough to say that sentence. I don’t even know that that sentence or what amount of footage will end up in the episode. But I do know that there is a huge lump in my throat when I think about sharing my actual weight with the world. But, there is also a peace that I feel coming with it as well. If I can have the courage to be on TV in front of every person I’ve ever known and say that horrible starting weight and where I am today, I may just be released from the “weight” and shame that that number carries. Maybe by exposing my scar of how out of control I let myself become I will inspire someone else to confront their “ugly” number and make the necessary changes in their life to fix it. God give me strength to stay focused and continue on my journey and let me share all that you give me with those around me.

renewed, refreshed and recommitted

Once again it’s been awhile and I haven’t bothered to blog. I’m very disappointed in myself about that because I really want to use this as a tool for myself and for others to learn from and grow from. But...as the old saying goes, “It is what it is” and what I must do is simply pick up where I left off and begin again – renewed, refreshed and recommitted to my journey and to sharing my story and lessons learned with all of you.

So what exactly have I been doing since I lasted blogged...here’s quick recap!
I have to start even before my last post. :) The end of June I met the love of my life. Little did I know that is when I was set up by my sister to exchange weight loss stories with this “awesome guy” who was a patient at the allergy clinic she works for. The moment we met there was an immediate connection that sparked a whirlwind romance that lead to a proposal on 8/13. We have set the date for 02/26/2011 and I couldn’t be happier. We took a wonderful trip to Florida to see his brother and his family and enjoyed some of the best seafood I’ve ever eaten. We had such a good time! Shortly after that I took a vacation to Mexico – Amazing! Thank you Deana and Bryan once again for being such a wonderful host and hostess. In Mexico Deana and I did an amazing job of staying committed to our workouts and made it a point to exercise everyday. Eating was much more of a challenge and despite my efforts in the gym and at the table I still managed to gain 5 lbs. somewhere between FL and Mexico. “Not horrible,” I told myself, “it will be a cinch to take off.” YEAH RIGHT!!! As I am approaching the 50 lbs lost mark, and having been home for over a month now I find myself moving up and down the scale with that same 5 lbs. My weight will drop 49 lbs then it will move up to47 lbs then back to 48 lbs then up to 45 lbs...44 lbs...43 lbs... So on and so on until I found myself having gained back 10 of my lost lbs. Sad, sad day, but instead of allowing my “gain” to breed disappointment and self loathing I instead will learn from my mistakes and do more and do better.
What is the biggest lesson I learned from my little back slide you ask? That would be that you have to be 100% committed 100% of the time. I and my weight loss have to take first priority. I must plan ahead and have healthy low calorie snacks and meals readily available and with me at all times regardless of if I’m at home or if I’m traveling. I have to press on and schedule time into each day for exercise even if it is something as small as a brisk 30 min walk. And I must make time to rest. With out proper rest all my efforts in eating and exercising will be for not because it takes all 3 get the results I (and you) want to see