BL Resort Day 1 - I'm here!

It's 3:30 am here and I should be asleep, but I can't. Anxiety about over sleeping and missing my class maybe??? The fact that it is soooo quiet here???? For whatever reason I'm awake and so I will take a minute to reflect and to blog.

You can not believe how beautiful it is here. The colors in the mountains and the sky are so vibrant and rich. I can not wait to go on our first hike today and take pictures. I took a couple from the plane...amazing view. The photos do not do it justice.

I've only been here a few hours and know already that I want to come back. Everyone go ahead and start saving, because you will want to come experience this.

I met several people last night, but no one from my team yet. I'm on the red team...fitting since our wedding color is red :)

On the way here I read Ali Vincent's "Believe it, Be it." The ENTIRE book! I don't know that I've ever read an entire book in one sitting, but her story was amazing and so inspiring and just what I needed to prep my mind for this amazing leg of my weight loss journey. I highly recommend it. She's just an average girl who like most of us found herself gaining weight and losing life. Awesome inspiration!

Ok...I'm off to bed again... more to come later. I'm overwhelmed by this amazing blessing. I am so thankful I am here. It's only been a few hours, but I can already tell that this place is going to mold me and shape me. Thank you God for this amazing opportunity and Thank you O'Neal for seeing the ability in me to change when I couldn't.

Episode – disappointment / Resort – Excitement!

I will not be included in The Biggest Loser “Where Are They Now?” Episode scheduled to air November 23rd. Somehow the diary camera that they had assigned to me made it back to the studio, but no one at the studio can find the tapes. Somewhere between 6 – 8 hours of video MIA. Possibly tossed in the garbage or just sitting on someone’s desk under a stack of papers...who knows??? It’s very disappointing, but it’s not the end of the world. I was very nervous about my heaviest weight being broadcast across the entire NBC viewing network, guess I don’t have to worry about that now – lol. Someday I will broadcast that number for myself, but I believe I’ll wait until I’m at my goal weight and I’m much further away from it. Still it’s disappointing because I had put so much time and effort into that footage. Sigh…it is what it is.

ANYWAY…

I’m getting VERY excited about my journey to the Biggest Loser Resort in UT next week. It’s only a few days away…4 days away in fact. My darling husband-to-be took me shopping last weekend and bought me several new outfits for my upcoming week of hard work. :D Thank you sweetie! I’ve got to spend the next few days getting organized and getting packed. I’m told my day will go something like this:

6:00 am - Open Gym or Class7:00 am - Breakfast8:00 am - Hike / Walk (yes…that’s a 2 ½ hour hike/walk each day) 11:30 am - Water Aerobics 12:45 pm - Lunch1:15 pm – Lecture 2:30 pm - Kickboxing3:30 pm - Circuit Training4:30 pm - Stretch5:30 pm - Dinner 6:15 pm – Lecture

Sounds like fun huh? Some of the gym classes and education series change daily/seasonally so my activities will vary, but for the most part this is what my days will look like next week. I’ve looked at the website everyday this week. http://www.biggestloserresort.com/home/ I can not wait to be there! I’m also told that my calorie intake will be roughly around 1200 calories per day. They have fresh fruit (apples, bananas and oranges) available at all times then my calories will be broken down as follows: 300 for breakfast, 400 for lunch and 500 for dinner. I’m going to be a little sponge and absorb every bit of information they share with me. I’m really excited to have this full 6 day week to devote to totally and completely to my health and my workouts. I have really struggled with making time for my workouts. I pray this week of non-stop workouts will trigger something within me to help me keep my butt in the gym because that is what it all truly comes down to…calories in, calories out. Quality food being consumed and hard core calories burned in the gym. 1000% focus and commitment will be required from me and I fully intend to give myself to it fully and completely.

Paying It Forward

Paying it forward…what exactly is “paying it forward” and what exactly is “it” that you’re paying to others? :D Well to me “it” is every piece of positive and helpful information I obtain that helps me in my journey towards fitness and health and being able and willing to share that information with anyone and everyone who wants it or needs it. Today I had a moment to pay it forward and when I did it felt AMAZING!!!! When I share and encourage others I am not only helping them, but am in fact encouraging and motivating myself.

There is a guy here at work that was recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. (Type 1 is the kind where you do not produce the needed hormones to break down glucose in the blood and depending on several factors you could either end up with too much or too little glucose in your system which both have adverse effects on the body) The diagnosis is very upsetting to him and he has been completely overwhelmed by this immediate life change he is being forced into. He was also very discouraged this morning to find that when he took his blood sugar it was 200+ and after a banana, a low calorie energy drink and his morning exercise it had shot up over 300. We started talking and I shared with him how sometimes synthetic sweeteners, while they have “no sugar” in them, can still increase your blood sugar levels and over time are really detrimental to your health, especially your joints. I shared with him my Aunt Dee’s story about how she was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes last summer and in just over a year she has been able to bring her blood glucose levels down to the doctor recommended healthy range and has also lost 60 lbs without taking any medications – all with diet and exercise. (I’m so proud of you Dee!) While Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are very different and require different regimens of treatment, they are both easier to maintain on a low-glycemic diet. I was so happy that I could share information and resources with him to help him on his journey and to offer words of encouragement and hope. While his journey is just beginning and will take a lot of trial and error on his part, the one thing I hope he realizes and what I pray my current and future conversations with him will impart is that there is hope for his situation. It will be difficult, it will take time and there will be days that are really good and days that are really bad, but through it all HE is in control and just because his blood sugar is over 300 today doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way forever. I am the only person who can control my health and wellness. YOU are the only person who can control YOUR health and wellness. While damage that has already been done can’t always be reversed, you can start this very moment and make changes to immediately start improving your health. And if you need some encouragement and help along the way, I’ll here. In my own pursuit of wellness and health - happy to share with you any information that I have that might help you on your journey whatever that journey might be :D

Confessions of a Food addict

Hello, My name is Deborah and I'm an food addict...yes, addict. I love food. I love to cook it, eat it, shop for it, study it, talk about it...pretty much anything and everything about food...I love it. I probably spend more time thinking about food than just about anything else...except Michael :D This weekend was a blur of fast food and I absolutely did not make the best choices I could. Saturday morning was McDonald's for breakfast, Dickey's BBQ for lunch and Chili's for dinner. This morning I made a very yummy and nutritious breakfast of nummy organic wheat banana walnut pancakes with turkey bacon and organic eggs, but then for lunch I landed in a Sonic chicken fried steak toast sandwich with tator tots. Jillian would not approve. For dinner I snacked...snacked on crap. I found myself craving salt and carbs like CRAZY! To the point that I was actually thinking about going to the store to get me some French's French Fried Onion Rings (yes - the preservative filled fried onions that come in a can) and a Coke (mmmmm - nectar of the God's). In the midst of my euphoric sugar/carb haze I had this moment of clarity and thought REALLY?!?!?!? I immediately jumped up and went straight to Whole Foods to buy some fresh fruit and veggies. I can't do it! I can not allow myself to fall back into those bad food choices and habits. I have to be committed and prepared 100% of the time. When I'm not prepared, when I don't eat the proper foods I begin a spiral where I make bad decision after bad food decision. So...it begins immediately (actually it began about 6:30 or so) but from this moment on I promise myself I will be prepared. I will buy groceries and take my lunch to work and pack all my proper snacks. I will cleanse my body of the sugar filled carb-o-rific foods that I have munched on all weekend and begin filling my body with the proper fuel it needs. Wholesome, organic fruits, veggies, grains and proteins. As much as I love food I love myself more and love the progress I have made. I've come too far to turn back now.

I leave for the Biggest Loser Ranch in UT on 11/7. I can't wait!!!! I'm so nervous and so excited all at the same time. I am a little bit nervous about the action-packed schedule that I will have, but more than the nerves I'm looking forward to the challenge. My day will be packed with exercise, exercise and exercise from 6 AM to 6 PM for 7 full days. A 2 1/2 hour hike each day. Pool classes, cardio classes, gym, weights, yoga, lectures and nutrition classes....it's going to be amazing! I worry sometimes that I won't have the endurance to make it. While I've come a long way on my fitness journey I still have a long way to go and weekends like this are only steps backwards on my journey to healthy and skinny. In preparation and for a little motivation I bought my hiking boots yesterday. $135 later I have awesome hiking boots sure to make my feet feel fabulous on any length of hike. Wicking "wool" socks with arch compression and extra cushioning to help keep blisters at bay and amazing new insoles with fantastic arch support. I may not have any clothes to wear when I get to UT, but by golly my feet will look and feel AMAZING! LOL ;D

So...a lot of fun and exciting changes are coming my way. BL trip to UT, the "Where Are They Now?" BL follow up episode scheduled to air the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Michael and I celebrating our first holidays together AND OH YEA...THE WEDDING - WHEW! I'm excitedly overwhelmed just typing it all. :D God is so good...what more can I say. He is good and through Him I can do all things...even overcome silly little set backs like this weekend. ;D

“If you do not control your diet and lifestyle, eventually your diet and lifestyle will control you.” Michael Ewald D.C.

I don’t know that I ever truly realize how much control I actually have over my own body. Seriously, the power I have to own and control my personal health and well being. So often I take for granted that my body will always function like it’s supposed to regardless of what I do or what I eat, but that is absolutely not true. The further I go on this weight loss journey, the more I educate myself about health and wellness the more I find that I do in fact have a huge amount of control over my body and my health. Mentally, physically and emotionally – I have control over all these things and I through the grace of God have the power to overcome my own laziness so that I can work out, eat healthy and be the very best I can be so that I can reach my goals and accomplish all I would like to accomplish . Through Christ I have the power to ignore those voices in my head that say, “You’ve earned it...” or “It’s only one bite...one ice cream...one whatever...” There is always a battle in within me (mostly in my head – lol) fighting over old habits and easy choices. However, the choice in the end is mine to make. It is a choice I have to make every single day. Really, every moment, I have to make the choice to be fit and be healthy. I have to make the choice to surround myself with healthy foods and snacks, the choice to make exercise a priority and the choice to put myself and my health first above “my busy schedule.” There is time to exercise if I make it. There is time to prepare proper foods and healthy snacks if I make it happen. There is a very clear and obtainable way to reach my weight loss and fitness goals. I just have to choose it every day. Like Nike, I have to “just do it!” I am the only one who stands in the way and determines if I will reach my fitness goals or if I’ll reach for the bag of Cheetos!

Sigh...
I’m getting nervous. The Biggest Loser has sent me a diary camera to film some footage of me for an up coming “Where Are They Now?” episode that will air the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Among the requirements and requested footage is me on camera saying, “Before the Biggest Loser I weighed XXX and now I weigh XXX!” XXX = three horrifying numbers that I have never uttered aloud. Not even my life long BFF Christy knows that number. She knows where I am today and she knows closer to where that actual XXX lies, but to say that ugly number out loud? To America??? On TV and the Internet???? Oh my goodness...can I do it? Am I willing to be that venerable? I am accomplished so much in the past 7 months and I’m very proud of it, but I know I could have done more. I guess a part of me doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough to say that sentence. I don’t even know that that sentence or what amount of footage will end up in the episode. But I do know that there is a huge lump in my throat when I think about sharing my actual weight with the world. But, there is also a peace that I feel coming with it as well. If I can have the courage to be on TV in front of every person I’ve ever known and say that horrible starting weight and where I am today, I may just be released from the “weight” and shame that that number carries. Maybe by exposing my scar of how out of control I let myself become I will inspire someone else to confront their “ugly” number and make the necessary changes in their life to fix it. God give me strength to stay focused and continue on my journey and let me share all that you give me with those around me.

renewed, refreshed and recommitted

Once again it’s been awhile and I haven’t bothered to blog. I’m very disappointed in myself about that because I really want to use this as a tool for myself and for others to learn from and grow from. But...as the old saying goes, “It is what it is” and what I must do is simply pick up where I left off and begin again – renewed, refreshed and recommitted to my journey and to sharing my story and lessons learned with all of you.

So what exactly have I been doing since I lasted blogged...here’s quick recap!
I have to start even before my last post. :) The end of June I met the love of my life. Little did I know that is when I was set up by my sister to exchange weight loss stories with this “awesome guy” who was a patient at the allergy clinic she works for. The moment we met there was an immediate connection that sparked a whirlwind romance that lead to a proposal on 8/13. We have set the date for 02/26/2011 and I couldn’t be happier. We took a wonderful trip to Florida to see his brother and his family and enjoyed some of the best seafood I’ve ever eaten. We had such a good time! Shortly after that I took a vacation to Mexico – Amazing! Thank you Deana and Bryan once again for being such a wonderful host and hostess. In Mexico Deana and I did an amazing job of staying committed to our workouts and made it a point to exercise everyday. Eating was much more of a challenge and despite my efforts in the gym and at the table I still managed to gain 5 lbs. somewhere between FL and Mexico. “Not horrible,” I told myself, “it will be a cinch to take off.” YEAH RIGHT!!! As I am approaching the 50 lbs lost mark, and having been home for over a month now I find myself moving up and down the scale with that same 5 lbs. My weight will drop 49 lbs then it will move up to47 lbs then back to 48 lbs then up to 45 lbs...44 lbs...43 lbs... So on and so on until I found myself having gained back 10 of my lost lbs. Sad, sad day, but instead of allowing my “gain” to breed disappointment and self loathing I instead will learn from my mistakes and do more and do better.
What is the biggest lesson I learned from my little back slide you ask? That would be that you have to be 100% committed 100% of the time. I and my weight loss have to take first priority. I must plan ahead and have healthy low calorie snacks and meals readily available and with me at all times regardless of if I’m at home or if I’m traveling. I have to press on and schedule time into each day for exercise even if it is something as small as a brisk 30 min walk. And I must make time to rest. With out proper rest all my efforts in eating and exercising will be for not because it takes all 3 get the results I (and you) want to see

Rabbit trails and winding paths

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog... I seem to be so busy lately, but in the best of ways. I'm currently down 45 lbs with only 5 more to go to make it a huge milestone of 50 lbs lost. I'm so close and am so excited yet know I have so much more to lose and so much more yet to accomplish. I still struggle with balance everyday. Keeping focused about working out and eating properly has been a huge challenge the last couple of weeks. I'm scattered and unfocused and can't get into a good daily rhythm. I know exactly what I need to do yet I struggle daily with doing it. Making the right choices is very easy to say yet sometimes so much harder to do. Carbs continue to be my biggest enemy yet something I crave the most. Just yesterday I went through all my cabinets and took out anything and everything that was a carb or a bread. Regardless of how "healthy" or "low-fat" or "only 100 calories" it might be it is still my enemy and keeping me from destiny and from my health. I did take a physical through work and found that my blood pressure was excellent 119/78 and my fasting blood sugar level was 103. My HDL and LDL cholesterol were both very good, but my triglycerides were still high. All of this made me feel really good until I got to the section that said my BMI was still like 40. That's considered obease - that was so disheartening. Almost 50 lbs and I'm still obease. Sigh - just got to keep on...
Sometimes I catch glances of myself in the mirror and I say "who's that skinny girl?" Other times I just move away from the mirror as quickly as possible because I still see that "fat girl" I've been my whole life.
Regardless of my "unbalanced" moments God is still so good and is giving me the strength and the motivation to keep pressing on towards my goal of being skinny and healthy. All I can do is give 100% of myself to my goals everyday. Continue to make my health and weightloss my #1 priority and not let myself get lost on rabbit trails and winding paths for very long. ;oD