“If you do not control your diet and lifestyle, eventually your diet and lifestyle will control you.” Michael Ewald D.C.

I don’t know that I ever truly realize how much control I actually have over my own body. Seriously, the power I have to own and control my personal health and well being. So often I take for granted that my body will always function like it’s supposed to regardless of what I do or what I eat, but that is absolutely not true. The further I go on this weight loss journey, the more I educate myself about health and wellness the more I find that I do in fact have a huge amount of control over my body and my health. Mentally, physically and emotionally – I have control over all these things and I through the grace of God have the power to overcome my own laziness so that I can work out, eat healthy and be the very best I can be so that I can reach my goals and accomplish all I would like to accomplish . Through Christ I have the power to ignore those voices in my head that say, “You’ve earned it...” or “It’s only one bite...one ice cream...one whatever...” There is always a battle in within me (mostly in my head – lol) fighting over old habits and easy choices. However, the choice in the end is mine to make. It is a choice I have to make every single day. Really, every moment, I have to make the choice to be fit and be healthy. I have to make the choice to surround myself with healthy foods and snacks, the choice to make exercise a priority and the choice to put myself and my health first above “my busy schedule.” There is time to exercise if I make it. There is time to prepare proper foods and healthy snacks if I make it happen. There is a very clear and obtainable way to reach my weight loss and fitness goals. I just have to choose it every day. Like Nike, I have to “just do it!” I am the only one who stands in the way and determines if I will reach my fitness goals or if I’ll reach for the bag of Cheetos!

Sigh...
I’m getting nervous. The Biggest Loser has sent me a diary camera to film some footage of me for an up coming “Where Are They Now?” episode that will air the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Among the requirements and requested footage is me on camera saying, “Before the Biggest Loser I weighed XXX and now I weigh XXX!” XXX = three horrifying numbers that I have never uttered aloud. Not even my life long BFF Christy knows that number. She knows where I am today and she knows closer to where that actual XXX lies, but to say that ugly number out loud? To America??? On TV and the Internet???? Oh my goodness...can I do it? Am I willing to be that venerable? I am accomplished so much in the past 7 months and I’m very proud of it, but I know I could have done more. I guess a part of me doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough to say that sentence. I don’t even know that that sentence or what amount of footage will end up in the episode. But I do know that there is a huge lump in my throat when I think about sharing my actual weight with the world. But, there is also a peace that I feel coming with it as well. If I can have the courage to be on TV in front of every person I’ve ever known and say that horrible starting weight and where I am today, I may just be released from the “weight” and shame that that number carries. Maybe by exposing my scar of how out of control I let myself become I will inspire someone else to confront their “ugly” number and make the necessary changes in their life to fix it. God give me strength to stay focused and continue on my journey and let me share all that you give me with those around me.

renewed, refreshed and recommitted

Once again it’s been awhile and I haven’t bothered to blog. I’m very disappointed in myself about that because I really want to use this as a tool for myself and for others to learn from and grow from. But...as the old saying goes, “It is what it is” and what I must do is simply pick up where I left off and begin again – renewed, refreshed and recommitted to my journey and to sharing my story and lessons learned with all of you.

So what exactly have I been doing since I lasted blogged...here’s quick recap!
I have to start even before my last post. :) The end of June I met the love of my life. Little did I know that is when I was set up by my sister to exchange weight loss stories with this “awesome guy” who was a patient at the allergy clinic she works for. The moment we met there was an immediate connection that sparked a whirlwind romance that lead to a proposal on 8/13. We have set the date for 02/26/2011 and I couldn’t be happier. We took a wonderful trip to Florida to see his brother and his family and enjoyed some of the best seafood I’ve ever eaten. We had such a good time! Shortly after that I took a vacation to Mexico – Amazing! Thank you Deana and Bryan once again for being such a wonderful host and hostess. In Mexico Deana and I did an amazing job of staying committed to our workouts and made it a point to exercise everyday. Eating was much more of a challenge and despite my efforts in the gym and at the table I still managed to gain 5 lbs. somewhere between FL and Mexico. “Not horrible,” I told myself, “it will be a cinch to take off.” YEAH RIGHT!!! As I am approaching the 50 lbs lost mark, and having been home for over a month now I find myself moving up and down the scale with that same 5 lbs. My weight will drop 49 lbs then it will move up to47 lbs then back to 48 lbs then up to 45 lbs...44 lbs...43 lbs... So on and so on until I found myself having gained back 10 of my lost lbs. Sad, sad day, but instead of allowing my “gain” to breed disappointment and self loathing I instead will learn from my mistakes and do more and do better.
What is the biggest lesson I learned from my little back slide you ask? That would be that you have to be 100% committed 100% of the time. I and my weight loss have to take first priority. I must plan ahead and have healthy low calorie snacks and meals readily available and with me at all times regardless of if I’m at home or if I’m traveling. I have to press on and schedule time into each day for exercise even if it is something as small as a brisk 30 min walk. And I must make time to rest. With out proper rest all my efforts in eating and exercising will be for not because it takes all 3 get the results I (and you) want to see

Rabbit trails and winding paths

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog... I seem to be so busy lately, but in the best of ways. I'm currently down 45 lbs with only 5 more to go to make it a huge milestone of 50 lbs lost. I'm so close and am so excited yet know I have so much more to lose and so much more yet to accomplish. I still struggle with balance everyday. Keeping focused about working out and eating properly has been a huge challenge the last couple of weeks. I'm scattered and unfocused and can't get into a good daily rhythm. I know exactly what I need to do yet I struggle daily with doing it. Making the right choices is very easy to say yet sometimes so much harder to do. Carbs continue to be my biggest enemy yet something I crave the most. Just yesterday I went through all my cabinets and took out anything and everything that was a carb or a bread. Regardless of how "healthy" or "low-fat" or "only 100 calories" it might be it is still my enemy and keeping me from destiny and from my health. I did take a physical through work and found that my blood pressure was excellent 119/78 and my fasting blood sugar level was 103. My HDL and LDL cholesterol were both very good, but my triglycerides were still high. All of this made me feel really good until I got to the section that said my BMI was still like 40. That's considered obease - that was so disheartening. Almost 50 lbs and I'm still obease. Sigh - just got to keep on...
Sometimes I catch glances of myself in the mirror and I say "who's that skinny girl?" Other times I just move away from the mirror as quickly as possible because I still see that "fat girl" I've been my whole life.
Regardless of my "unbalanced" moments God is still so good and is giving me the strength and the motivation to keep pressing on towards my goal of being skinny and healthy. All I can do is give 100% of myself to my goals everyday. Continue to make my health and weightloss my #1 priority and not let myself get lost on rabbit trails and winding paths for very long. ;oD

YOU can CHOOSE to quit, YOU can CHOOSE to be less than what you are and less than what God intended but don't ever tell me "YOU CAN'T!" ~ Jillian Mich

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a challenge. While I haven't completely fallen off the "wagon" or slid back into old habits, I certainly have been dragging my feet. When I weighed yesterday I hadn't gained, but I hadn't lost any either. I felt very lazy and discouraged and I really didn't understand why. When I look in the mirror I can see how much I've accomplished. When I put on my clothes I can CERTAINLY tell that weight is being lost - my body is completely changing and for the better. I'm proud to say that when I began this journey in January (and this is hard to type or share, it's hard to admit that I had let myself get so big - anyway) I was wearing a women's plus size 24 pants and a women's plus size 22 shirt. As of today I'm wearing a women's size 18/20 pant and women's 14/16 shirt. I've even been able to buy a couple of shirts that were misses size or normal or not plus sizes. I'm down 11 inches over my entire body. It feels completely AMAZING!!! So why this little funk??? I'm not sure - I'm really now. For whatever reason I haven't felt the excitement and dedication. I only worked out once this week and it really wasn't a workout that Jillian or Bob would be proud of. SO...what to do??? How do you refocus, recommit and get rejuvenated. I started talking to the "Program" aka Eric, my cousin who's been my biggest encourager and who himself is committed to health and fitness for his family. After some re-evaluation of my habits and heart with him and re-watching the Biggest Loser Episode of the Dallas 5K I was able to see where I was slacking and lacking. My BFF Christy, who is also my biggest cheerleader and champion reminded me of what Sunshine said to me during the 5K, "Whenever you get discouraged remember how you feel in this very moment. Remember how awesome this day feels...." And that's exactly what I've been doing the last couple of days. Revisiting that day and those feelings and remembering that each and every day it is a CHOICE to do this. This change will not come just because I want it to. My goals will not be met and I will not succeed just because I would like to see them someday. Each day I have to choose to make myself, my health and my goals a priority. I even looked up the word "choose." To choose is to select freely after consideration. Which completely sums it up for me. Each and everyday it's a choice and only I can make it. Good or bad, right or wrong, only I can make the choice and so with new commitment to myself and my goals I choose ME. I choose my health and to love myself enough to work towards my goals. Yesterday I bought a new food/exercise journal that I plan to carry with me all the time along with my BL calorie counter book and I will write down every single bite of food I put into my mouth. I will also track every step I take and record every bit of exercise I do each and every day. I will be totally and brutally honest in this book and will weekly give it to Christy for critiquing. She will be my accountability partner. I will also make my workouts a priority. I will schedule them into my day and week and no matter what happens, no matter the time of day I WILL go workout. I choose to make my diet and my exercise a priority. I know that I will make mistakes and I will have days that are much, much more difficult than others, but I CHOOSE this. I CHOOSE ME - A HEALTHY, HAPPY ME!

Above is a recent picture :) Despite the lull or small set back I can't deny that my body is changing and what I am doing it changing it all for the better.

LOVE for 5K

5K. 3.1 miles. In some ways it sounds a significant distance, but it other ways its not very far at all. When I first started training for a 5K back in Oct/Nov of last year it seemed like such a long distance especially since I was about 40 lbs heavier than I am today. Now, here I am 4 - 5K's later and I can't wait to do another one. In fact I'm ready to up my distance and try for a 10K. I would like to work my way up to a 1/2 marathon this year. Saything that today sounds like such a stretch. It sounds like something impossible for my current body to do. I have to keep reminding myself that in Feb I didn't think I could do a 5K, but I did. I walked it. Then in March I did one with my friend Whitney and was able to jog a little bit. Then another one in April with my Aunt where I jogged even more. Sometimes I feel like I have so far to go, but then I think of what I already done. Don't ever think you "can't" do something. Never say "can't" until you at least try. Someday I will be able to run an entire 5K. Someday I will be able to do a 1/2 or full marathon. But I know that to reach that goal and to make any of that happen I have to keep trying. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on moving. Each step I take helps me lose the weight and makes it easier to jog. Each jog I take is moving me towards a run and one day I will run. One day I it be easy to run. I will be thinner and healthier and I will run. :) I can't wait!!!

Good Workout/Bad Workout

Yesterday I participated in my first Spin class - brutal! It was a definitely one of the toughest workouts I've had to date. It was really hard and a couple of times I felt like stopping, but I wouldn't let myself quit moving. Once I had finished I really did feel a since of accomplishment. I may have not done quite as well as some of the others in the class, but for me I had done my very best and it felt great! Today my legs and booty are CRAZY sore. I went to the gym this morning feeling my usual motivation. Ready to hop on the elliptical for my hour of cardio then onto some weights. Well...not so much. I did hop on the elliptical and cranked up my tunes and got started. No surprise I was feeling every step with the soreness of yesterdays workout. I struggled through 15 minutes then decided I would do some weights then finish my cardio after. I was really beginning to hurt so I decided not to work my lower body. So I worked my upper body, chest, arms, abs...etc, but I just really wasn't feeling it. SO, I thought I would scrap it for now and do some evening Yoga later. I was on my way out of the gym when I spotted 2 new cardio machines that a girl in spin class was telling me about yesterday. New Precore cardio machines that on the sides kinda look like a pump-jack. I decide not to give up just yet and go try out the new machines. I hop on but I couldn't get it to start. I keep trying and FINALLY the switchboard lights up and I can begin my workout. Its some sort of step climbing/running machine. I get a good rhythm going with a comfortable intensity and set the timer for 30 min. I made it about 15 minutes before I felt like I was going to pass out from climbing/running. I stopped got off the machine and came home. So now, here I am...home...feeling sore. :) It certainly wasn't one of my best workouts, but I'm glad I went. That's the attitude I have to keep to succeed on the weight loss journey and what I have to remember all day every day, no matter how much it hurts, regardless of when or how your stumble along the way, pick yourself up and NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE UP! Don't give up on your journey and NEVER give up on yourself.

Struggling

Sorry it's been so long since I posted anything. Life has been pretty busy lately and I have been struggling. Struggling with the diet at times and definitely struggling with work outs. At first I had a pretty good attitude and just kept on trying and not beating myself up too much for missing a workout or splurging a little here and there and honestly didn't think much of it. Then more and more time kept creeping in between workouts so I started whining about it to my friends and started getting really discouraged. Work has become a huge hurdle in my work out routines. At first I tried to work out at 5 AM each morning, yea that didn't work out so good. Then I tried going straight to the gym right after work which typically is a great work out time for me, but here's where work began throwing me a hurdle, my schedule has changed a little and instead on closing one night a week I now close 3 sometimes 4 nights a week. This is a problem because not only do I not leave until 6:30 most days but I have a 40 + minute drive home from work. By the time I get home I'm so pooped and hungry I don't make it to the gym. SO - wah wah wah, blah blah blah. Fast forward to today. I was thinking about how all this junk I've been griping about is just life. There is always going to be something that is going to keep me from going to the gym or tempting me to blow my diet. The BIG question is "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?" After a lot of great counsel from my friends and watching last night's Biggest Loser I have decided that I'm going to consciously make "the choice" 24/7! It is up to me and me only to reach my goals and keep me on track. I'm going to talk to my manager and ask if we can rearrange my schedule some so that I can commit to working out twice during the week and also work out on both Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to keep motivators and reminders of how far I've already come on this journey all around me and how far I still have to go and how the gap between them is shrinking daily. I will choose to celebrate the small victories as well as the big ones (and not with ice cream) God has been so good to me and he continues to bless me each and every day. Each and everyday I have a choice. A choice to follow God and a choice to make myself and my health a priority. "How bad do you want it Deb?" "Are you willing to make the right choices and the sacrifices it will take to achieve your goal?" The answer...YES! I love myself enough to do just that. So that's what I'm going to do. Now the question is, What are you going to do about it for yourself? :)