“If you do not control your diet and lifestyle, eventually your diet and lifestyle will control you.” Michael Ewald D.C.

I don’t know that I ever truly realize how much control I actually have over my own body. Seriously, the power I have to own and control my personal health and well being. So often I take for granted that my body will always function like it’s supposed to regardless of what I do or what I eat, but that is absolutely not true. The further I go on this weight loss journey, the more I educate myself about health and wellness the more I find that I do in fact have a huge amount of control over my body and my health. Mentally, physically and emotionally – I have control over all these things and I through the grace of God have the power to overcome my own laziness so that I can work out, eat healthy and be the very best I can be so that I can reach my goals and accomplish all I would like to accomplish . Through Christ I have the power to ignore those voices in my head that say, “You’ve earned it...” or “It’s only one bite...one ice cream...one whatever...” There is always a battle in within me (mostly in my head – lol) fighting over old habits and easy choices. However, the choice in the end is mine to make. It is a choice I have to make every single day. Really, every moment, I have to make the choice to be fit and be healthy. I have to make the choice to surround myself with healthy foods and snacks, the choice to make exercise a priority and the choice to put myself and my health first above “my busy schedule.” There is time to exercise if I make it. There is time to prepare proper foods and healthy snacks if I make it happen. There is a very clear and obtainable way to reach my weight loss and fitness goals. I just have to choose it every day. Like Nike, I have to “just do it!” I am the only one who stands in the way and determines if I will reach my fitness goals or if I’ll reach for the bag of Cheetos!

Sigh...
I’m getting nervous. The Biggest Loser has sent me a diary camera to film some footage of me for an up coming “Where Are They Now?” episode that will air the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Among the requirements and requested footage is me on camera saying, “Before the Biggest Loser I weighed XXX and now I weigh XXX!” XXX = three horrifying numbers that I have never uttered aloud. Not even my life long BFF Christy knows that number. She knows where I am today and she knows closer to where that actual XXX lies, but to say that ugly number out loud? To America??? On TV and the Internet???? Oh my goodness...can I do it? Am I willing to be that venerable? I am accomplished so much in the past 7 months and I’m very proud of it, but I know I could have done more. I guess a part of me doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough to say that sentence. I don’t even know that that sentence or what amount of footage will end up in the episode. But I do know that there is a huge lump in my throat when I think about sharing my actual weight with the world. But, there is also a peace that I feel coming with it as well. If I can have the courage to be on TV in front of every person I’ve ever known and say that horrible starting weight and where I am today, I may just be released from the “weight” and shame that that number carries. Maybe by exposing my scar of how out of control I let myself become I will inspire someone else to confront their “ugly” number and make the necessary changes in their life to fix it. God give me strength to stay focused and continue on my journey and let me share all that you give me with those around me.