Happy Birthday to ME - where I've been, where I am and where I'm going!

Happy Birthday to me and hello 36! It's not as old as it sounds you know. :o) By some standards 36 would be ancient or even seen as expired, but for me...36 is perfect and right where I need to and am very happy to be. In my short 36 years I have learned a lot...and while I don't have all the answers or know "the secret" to life and can share with you a couple of lessons I've learned (and am still learning). Go with the flow, but don't be afraid to push back if you need to - just don't spend all your time pushing back or you'll end up going against the grain and feeling rough and splintered all the time. When the going gets tough pull up your bootstraps and become a little tougher yourself, but take the time to take your lemons and make lemonade. Learn from your mistakes, but don't live in your mistakes or you'll become a black hole of suck and most importantly...give your heart to God. He's the only one who will truly protect it and can heal it from the many heartbreaks we encounter along life's way. ;o) So...it is here at 36 that I take a pause and look at the last year of my life - probably one of the most exciting years ever. God blessed me beyond belief and there are simply no words to express my gratitude, however...true to form...I do have some words to share - lol.

1 year ago today I was sick with walking pneumonia, was deeply depressed and morbidly obese. (Yes...I said morbidly). My best friend and sister both were begging me to go to the Dr and get some help. I had no motivation to do anything and was perfectly content to simply go to work, come home and eat. Eating...it had become my true hobby and the one enjoyment I indulged in far too often. Sad...I was one very sad girl living in a sad world of her own making. BUT...long before I could ever imagine my life's dramatic twist and turn, God had already set things in motion that would lead me to my present, not a perfect present, but a beautiful present and a wonderful peach within. I won't relive all the details of my 2010 again...although I would gladly do so in a heartbeat. I'm happy to say that I went to the Dr and got on the right meds - had an AMAZING encounter that propelled me in a direction I could have never ever seen coming and met the love of my life and in 40 short days will marry him and become Mrs. Tew. (for a more detailed account of my 2010 please read previous blogs - lol!) So...there's a brief snapshot of my past...my present I am over joyed to report is 2 - 2 1/2 sizes smaller, 56 lbs lighter (it was 62, but...I'll get into that disappointment later) and a whole heck of a lot healthier and happier than I have ever been in my ENTIRE life. It has not been an easy journey or without it's trials and mistakes, but the whole experience has brought me where I am today. And while I am still on the path to my goal weight there is a light at the end that before I could not see. And even with all the amazing and inspiring experiences I've had over the last year, my success and power to overcome my short falls comes from one place and one place only...ME. My cousin Eric and I once joked about getting me a Ricky Bobby t-shirt that said "ME." And if you've ever seen Talladaga Nights you'll get that, but mostly because in the midst of the hilarious Wil Ferrell comedy of that is one brilliant truth that I still struggle with...ME! I truly am the only one who can take what I've learned and apply it to my life and achieve exactly what I want to achieve. Others can want it for me...I can want it for myself all day long, but until I DO WHAT I KNOW I NEED TO DO...I'll never reach my goals. So it all comes back to ME. The ME who far too often struggles with one of the most simple yet most complex (if you let it become that) problems any person trying to lose weight and changing their life can struggle with....SELF DISCIPLINE. Ugh! SELF...DISCIPLINE... It sounds so easy yet it is sooooo very hard. I've often thought, DUH DEB...it's "self" and since it happens to be yours why can't you or won't you control it??? BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I'M LAZY!!!!! LOL - but I don't want to be and to in order to change that I have to dig in deep and flex that "self discipline" muscle every chance I get. No one can do it for me and while it is very very helpful and appreciated when others encourage me and help me use that muscle, it is still up to me and only me to do it. Here I am...wiser and doing better. I work daily on that "self discipline" muscle and what I found is that mine was really really week and needs a lot of attention to help build it up and make it STRONG!!! One of the most encouraging truths that shared with my about self discipline came to me from my Aunt Dee (thank you so much Dee for sharing) that like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz I held the key all along, I just didn't know it. There it was in 2 Timothy 1:7 all along...For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. OMG...LITERALLY! I've had this spirit of power and self discipline all along I've just never USED it. DUH!!!! So now I know and now I grow. I'm wiser so I do better and meditate on that verse daily to remind me that "I HAVE THE POWER!" (sang just like The Hit Crew - Is that dope enough - indeed! lol)

I'm so looking forward to 2011...to continuing my weight loss journey and shedding the rest of this weight. I get impatient at times, but I know that step by step and pound by pound I'll get there. I can do it because I AM SELF DISCIPLINED! (It's true...it's in the bible and God said so) :p

One final closing thought that I borrowed off my friend Jim who quoted the late Gerry Rafferty. "You gotta grow, you gotta learn by your mistakes
You gotta die a little everyday just to try to stay awake
When you believe there’s no mountain you can climb
and if you get it wrong you’ll get it right next time (next time)."
Right now is MY "next time." I'm will get it right this time!!! (peace love and sunshine Jim...thanks!)